Episode 8 - The Lucky Soldier

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Hades: Greetings, seekers of the supernatural and wanderers of the whimsical! You've pierced through the enigmatic ether of the unknown and landed at the threshold of our eighth episode of "Fireside Folklore with Hades". This is the podcast where we stoke the flames of archaic tales and mystifying folklore, echoing and resonating from the most remote corners of the globe.

Navigating you through these captivating chronicles, I remain your otherworldly host, Hades, the Monarch of the Netherworld, your protector of puzzles, and the conductor of the chilling.

Joining me on this fantastical voyage are my distinguished co-hosts. My radiant life companion, Persephone, the Goddess of Spring, whose glow rivals even the most beguiling Budapest sunset. And certainly, our perceptive nephew Hermes, the Messenger of the Gods and, irreplaceable to me, the Psychopomp. Don't hesitate at the utterance of that title - Hermes is essentially our spiritual guide, escorting souls between dimensions and aiding us through these enthralling tales.

Tonight, in honor of Veteran's Day week, we venture on a sojourn, plunging into the heart of Hungary to unearth the intriguing tale of "The Lucky Soldier". We dedicate this episode to all the courageous veterans who have served with valor and distinction. We extend our deepest gratitude for your unwavering commitment, your sacrifice, and your service.

So gather around, let the mesmerizing dance of the firelight cast uncanny silhouettes, and brace yourselves for an exhilarating journey into the realm of hushed secrets and tantalizing folklore. Friends, let the storytelling begin!

Persephone: Hello everyone! I'm looking forward to hearing this story about how a soldier’s ingenuity and a dash of luck allowed him to raise his stance from lowly soldier to renowned king. 

Hermes: Me too. This isn’t what I’d call a scary story, unless of course you count scarily good. 

Hades: Hermes, you must be spending way too much time with your father, Zeus. Only he would come up with something so adorkably cheesy! Now, before you make me spew ambrosia all over this podcasting equipment, please tell us some fun facts about Hungary. 

Hermes: Ah, Hungary, a land steeped in history and rich in folklore. It was hard for me to come up with just three facts this time, but here we go.

1.    Budapest Metro: Imagine a train system underground that started way back in 1896! The Budapest Metro in Hungary is super old - one of the oldest in the world where trains run under the ground using electricity. The first part they built (Line M1) was super cool for its time. It had electric lights and special trains that could go both ways. Plus, it’s a part of history now, listed as a UNESCO World Heritage Site. Did you know that depending on how you think of an underground train system, the Budapest Metro might be the oldest or the second oldest in Europe?

2.    Hungarian Language: The Hungarian language is really special and different from languages nearby. It's part of a group called Finno-Ugric, which means it's more like Finnish and Estonian than other European languages. Hungarian is pretty tricky with lots of different words and rules. Some people tried to figure out how this language started and they think it might have come from a long time ago, from a place between the Baltic Sea and the Ural Mountains.

3.    Hungarian Csárdás Dance: The csárdás is a famous dance from Hungary. It got its name from an old word for a roadside inn. This dance became popular not just in Hungary but in nearby places too. It started from a type of music used by the army to recruit people in the 18th century. The dance has a cool part where it starts slow and then gets really fast. Both boys and girls dance it, and the girls wear these wide skirts that look amazing when they spin around.

Hades: Thank you Hermes. I had no idea that Hungary had such an innovative underground system, particularly when you consider the time in which the system was constructed. For tonight’s tale, we’ll be joined by Ares playing our soldier, Hestia playing the witch, Poseidon playing the king, Apollo playing the dwarf, and Aphrodite playing the princess. A long time ago, a soldier who had been wounded in the war had very little money for he had not been paid for his last month of service. Arguing that he had been injured only a few days into the month, the king had refused to pay him his due before sending him out into the harsh and unforgiving world to make his fortune. 

Ares: This is what I get for my service to the country? It’s an absolute disgrace. One day I hope this king gets his just desserts. 

Hades: The soldier eventually came upon a cottage in the forest. Deciding to ask for shelter, he knocked upon the door. He was greeted by a witch. 

Hestia: Ah, one of the king’s soldiers down on his luck. You may stay tonight and help me with some work tomorrow. If you finish it, I’ll be sure to pay you handsomely—enough to make a new start. 

Ares: Very well. I shall help you in exchange for shelter tonight and enough money to forge a new life for myself. The king certainly didn’t recognize my service in any measurable way. 

Hades: And so, the soldier enjoyed a filling meal that night and slept well. The next day, the witch gave him her task. 

Hestia: I’d like you to help hoe my garden. The soil is very hard and filled with stones. It will need to be turned over for planting.

Ares: Hoeing, is it? I’ve seen my share of hard work during my time in the king's service. This task doesn’t scare me.

Hades: The soldier worked through the day, but as the sun began to set, he found that he had only completed half of the work. The witch came out to inspect his progress.

Hestia: I see that you’ve not finished. Well, you’ll have to stay another day then.

Ares: I didn’t realize how hard the ground was. I’m sorry, I’ll stay and finish the work tomorrow. 

Hades: The next day, once he had completed hoeing the ground, there were still several hours left in the day so the witch gave him a different task.

Hestia: For the remainder of the day, please chop and stack the firewood. Prepare enough to last the winter, for I am old and unable to chop all that wood myself.

Ares: I will do my best to finish the task today.

Hades: As the day wore on, the soldier realized that this task would take more than a day, and perhaps more than two. At nightfall, he had chopped a considerable amount, yet a seemingly endless pile of wood remained.

Hestia: Oh dear, it seems you’ve not managed to finish this task either. I’m afraid you’ll have to stay another day to finish the work.

Ares: As I do not wish to leave you without firewood, I shall stay and finish the job. But tomorrow, I’ll redouble my efforts so that I can be on my way.

Hades: On the third day, after the soldier had finished chopping the firewood, the witch gave him one final task. 

Hestia: For your final task, I’d like you to go down into the well and retrieve my pipe which I accidentally dropped in there last night. Don’t worry. I’ll be sure to get you out once you’ve located my pipe. 

Ares: All right. I’ve seen far worse than the dark and damp interior of an old well during my time as a soldier in the king’s army. 

Hades: With that, the soldier lowered himself down into the well with the rope that was tied to the bucket. Though it was dark, his eyes soon adjusted to the very low light and he saw the pipe lying half-buried in some mud. 

Ares: That’s funny. I thought she lost this only the night before. Something isn’t right here. Come to think of it, why was it that I couldn’t manage to finish hoeing her garden—a small and humble garden, I might add—in a single day? And why did it seem that the pile of wood I needed to chop never ended on the first day, yet today, I was able to fly through the task with ease? And furthermore, why did it seem as though I finished each of my tasks on the second day I tried them, around midday, so I had plenty of time to start something new? This woman is a witch, and witches are well-versed in magic, meaning that she could have been manipulating the outcome all this time. This pipe must be very valuable to her if I’m being asked to retrieve it. Once I relinquish it, I’m sure she will leave me here to die. 

Hades: With his mind made up, the soldier called up the well. 

Ares: You have no intention of letting me go, so I shall not give you back this pipe. 

Hestia: Then you can stay down in that well and rot! 

Hades: The witch shouted as she turned away and walked off. 

Ares: Well, if it is my fate to die at the bottom of this well, I shall enjoy one final smoke. After all, if I’m doomed to remain here, I have nothing to lose. 

Hades: He picked up the pipe, filled it with the tobacco he had left, and lit it with his flint. As the smoke began to curl upwards, something unexpected happened.

Ares: What in the...

Hades: A cloud of smoke started to take form, and from it emerged a dwarf. He was about half the size of a regular man, dressed in a simple loincloth which looked so filthy the soldier couldn’t tell what color it was supposed to be.

Apollo: Well, it’s about time that someone other than that cruel witch summoned me! What would you request of me? 

Ares: I’d like you to get me out of here and back to my home. 

Hades: No sooner had these words been spoken then the soldier found himself back at his home, which miraculously stood untouched despite all the years he had been away. Still resentful of the king for his callousness, the soldier decided to teach him a lesson. He asked the dwarf to transport the king’s daughter to his home while she slept. Upon her arrival, the soldier made her work. 

Ares: Plant and care for this flower garden; it needs the delicate touch of royalty to truly bloom.

Aphrodite: Such work is below my station! But I feel compelled to obey your commands so I shall work until I find a way to rid myself of this curse.

Hades: The soldier had no intention of releasing her until the king understood the value of those who served him. Over the next few nights, the princess dutifully toiled in his garden, her hands growing rough and her royal posture bending with fatigue.

Aphrodite: Oh, I am not accustomed to such labors. These blisters and aches, I can hardly bear them.

Hades: Upon hearing his daughter's plight, the cunning king decided to craft a clever plan.

Poseidon: A sorcerer thinks he can outwit me? We shall see about that. Here's what we'll do - we'll cut a hole in my daughter's pocket and fill it with peas. As she travels to this rascal’s dwelling, a trail will lead us straight to him.

Hades: However, the dwarven eyes see much and miss little. The dwarf noticed the peas falling from the princess’s pocket and scattered handfuls across the forest, vanquishing any chance of following her directly.

Apollo: This old trick? Please. I've seen smarter moves from baby centaurs in their first chess games.

Hades: Next, the princess feigned affection for the soldier, slipping a pair of golden slippers into his abode while he slept. The dwarf warned him of this ruse, but the soldier was too trusting this time.

Apollo: Be wary, friend! Gold glitters but also ensnares!

Ares: Hah! The princess finds my company charming? Well, who am I to spurn a gift?

Hades: Unfortunately, the soldier’s pride clouded his judgment. When the king discovered the slippers, he instantly identified the whereabouts of his daughter and, in turn, the soldier.

Poseidon: So, the fellow wasn’t a sorcerer after all? He was a mere soldier? And a wounded one at that? He will soon learn what it means to deceive a king! Guards, seize him!

Hades: As the king's men dragged the soldier away to face execution, he appealed for one final wish – a last smoke from his magical pipe.

Ares: Majesty, grant me this small comfort. A final smoke before I meet my end.

Poseidon: Very well, indulge in your tobacco. It matters little now.

Hades: With the puffs of smoke swirling around him, the dwarf reappeared, awaiting the soldier's command.

Apollo: Quick, there's not much time. What do you need?

Ares: Dwarf, I wish for the king to realize the error of his ways. He must understand how he mistreats his loyal soldiers and vow to improve their lives from this day forth.

Hades: The air filled with the dwarf’s powerful magic, working its way into the king’s heart. Suddenly, the king saw the world through the soldier's eyes – the harsh dismissal from service without proper pay, the struggle for survival, and the weight of unappreciated sacrifice.

Poseidon: What have I done? These men and women put their lives on the line for our land and what do I offer in return? I see now the depth of my ignorance and the coldness of my rule.

Hades: The chains fell away from the soldier as the king approached him, his eyes no longer haughty, but humbled.

Poseidon: Soldier, I have wronged you and all who served under my command. I vow to right my wrongs and treat my soldiers with the honor and respect they deserve. You shall not meet your end this day; instead, you shall be a counsel to me and guide me to be a just ruler. 

Hades: Time passed, and the king's promise was not an empty one. He improved the lives of his soldiers, raising their wages, providing for those injured, and recognizing their service as paramount to the kingdom's wellbeing. In an unexpected turn of events, the soldier and the princess found love, not from spells or coercion, but from genuine affection and shared values.

Aphrodite: You have shown me the worth of all individuals, regardless of their station. Your kindness and wisdom have won my heart, dear soldier.

Hades: In time, when the old king passed into the annals of history, the soldier took the throne, not by might or magic, but by the will of the people. His reign was marked by fairness and insight, earning him the title of the Wise King. His queen ruled by his side, her own wisdom flourishing alongside his.

And they say every Veteran's Day, the spirits of soldiers past visit the kingdom, blessing it with peace and reminding the people of the valor that guards their freedom.

Persephone: What a beautiful story, Hades! It shows us that true power comes from understanding and humility, not fear or tyranny.

Hades: Indeed. Now, before we leave the warmth of our fireside and delve into the flavors of Hungary with Persephone, Ares, the god of war, has a few words to share, especially for those who have bravely served.

Ares: Warriors of valor, on this day of honor, we brandish our swords high, not in conflict, but in salutation to you, the indomitable guardians of our freedoms. Your prowess in the face of danger forms the backbone of legends. Your undying valor protects the pillars of civilization from the chaos of tyranny and oppression.

To every single veteran who has become an immortal in the pantheon of warriors, you have my unyielding admiration, and the reverence of those whose hearths you've safeguarded. Be assured, the chronicles of your bravery are etched in the annals of history for eternity.

To those who bear the unseen scars of battle, the specters of war that haunt without respite, let it be known—you stand not solitary in your combat. Enlist the strength of kin, companions, and comrades. For in admitting the need for a shield-bearer, one does not display weakness, but the strategic acumen of an experienced warrior. You carry worth beyond measure: you are esteemed, indispensable, and cherished.

The tools of war evolve, and the arenas of combat shift, yet the essence of the warrior— an unwavering readiness to endure the crucible for kith and kin—remains resolute through the ages. Veterans of yesteryear and today, you are the bearers of this hallowed legacy. Revel in the tranquility you have wrested with your might. You command my unending veneration.

Hades: Thank you, Ares. Persephone, my dear, what are you cooking up tonight? 

Persephone: Today, my love, we’ll be making Hungarian goulash. It’s a delicious stew made with beef, onions, paprika, and veggies simmered in a rich tomato sauce.

• Goulash uses lots of paprika which gives it a bright red-orange color! Paprika comes from grinding up sweet red peppers.
• The word "goulash" comes from the Hungarian word "gulyas" which means "herdsman." Goulash was originally made by cattle herders in Hungary.
• In Hungary, goulash is served as a soup. But in other countries, it's often cooked into a thicker stew.
• Goulash is one of Hungary's national dishes and a symbol of Hungarian culture. It's served in homes, restaurants, and festivals.

Here is what you will need:

• An adult to serve as your sous chef for chopping and heating
• 1 pound beef cubes (ask an adult to cut up chuck roast)
• 1 onion, finely chopped 
• 1 red bell pepper, chopped
• 2 carrots, sliced
• 3 tablespoons paprika powder
• 1 tablespoon lard or oil 
• 1 can diced tomatoes
• 1 cup beef broth
• 1 teaspoon caraway seeds (optional)
• Salt and pepper

Instructions:

1.    Ask an adult to help melt the lard in a big pot. Cook the beef cubes in batches until nicely browned on all sides. Set beef aside.

2.    Add the chopped onion. Cook for 4-5 minutes until softened.

3.    Stir in the bell pepper, carrots, paprika powder, caraway seeds, salt and pepper. Cook for 2-3 more minutes.

4.    Add the beef back in along with the tomatoes, broth, and caraway seeds.

5.    Let it simmer on low heat for 1-2 hours, until beef is very tender.

6.    Taste and add more salt and pepper if needed.

7.    Enjoy your authentic goulash! Serve with egg noodles, rice, or bread.

This Hungarian-inspired goulash is packed with paprika flavor. The caraway seeds give it an authentic touch. If you have any questions or would like to let me know how yours turned out by sharing stories or photos, feel free to E-mail me at Persephone@firesidefolklorewithhades.com. 

Hades: Wonderful! Now, where is that brother of mine? He was supposed to have shown up for this podcast ages ago. I suppose he expects us to …

Zeus: Here I am! Apologies for being late, brother. I was just trying to give Hera the slip. 

Hades: Rather than trying to hide from her, why not bring her here on this podcast? I’m sure she would enjoy it. In any case, you’ve arrived right on time because we need to know who is sponsoring our podcast this evening. 

Zeus: Oh! You’re gonna love this. Listeners, Midas’s Marvelous Miracles, makers of the Djinn Dwarf, are our sponsors this week!

The Djinn Dwarf is not your ordinary garden gnome, nor is it your everyday wish-granting entity. This dwarf is a master of comedic chaos, a virtuoso of unexpected outcomes. Make a wish, any wish, and rest assured, the results will be...memorable.

Dreaming of infinite wealth? The Djinn Dwarf might just fill your home with endless jars of olives. After all, in ancient times, olives were a symbol of wealth. A bit messy, perhaps, but think of the salads!

Yearning for eternal youth? Well, you might find yourself transformed into a squealing piglet. In Olympus, we believe in starting fresh and what’s fresher than a newborn farm animal?

Wish for world peace? Prepare to be surrounded by a flock of extraordinarily peaceful pigeons. They might not solve geopolitical conflicts, but they sure do know how to keep calm and coo on.

The Djinn Dwarf, with his twinkling eyes and mischievous smile, is an expert at reading between the lines of your wishes. He gives you not just what you ask for, but what you never knew you needed. It’s all about perspective, my friends. And olives. Lots of olives.

So, why wait? Add a dash of divine humor to your life with the Djinn Dwarf! After all, as we say in Olympus, 'Life's too short for ordinary wishes. 

Remember, Midas’s Marvelous Miracles takes no responsibility for unintended wish outcomes or olive overflows. Always wish responsibly.

Hades: Well, at least it wasn’t the Horn of Plenty from The Golden Fleecers. And that lightning round? Are you planning to do one? Or does coming in late mean you can’t do it this time? 

Zeus: Contrary to what you might think, I actually read the script. The real reason I was late was because I wanted to find a prize that would honor our veterans, and let me tell you! It wasn’t easy. 

Hades: Hmm, it seems I may have underestimated you, brother. Now then, let’s have that lightning round. 

Zeus: All right listeners, for those of you who are new, here’s how it works. I’ll ask three questions about this week’s episode. The first one to E-mail me the correct answers will win a $20 gift card to Operation Made, where every product sold is made by a veteran or their families, providing employment to those who have served. If you’d like to participate in this week’s lightning round, please E-mail me at zeus@firesidefolklorewithhades.com with your answers and put “Lightning Round with Zeus, Episode 8” in the subject line. Are you ready? Let’s go! 

1.    In what year did the Budapest Metro first open? 

2.    What did the king put into his daughter’s pocket in order to try and find the one who was working her fingers to the bone? 

3.    What gives Hungarian goulash its signature red-orange color?

[Outro music fades in.]

Hades: Well, that’s all we have for you tonight, folks. Next time, we’ll be taking a visit to the Northern most part of Canada, where the Inuit live in the story of “The Old Woman Who Was Kind to Insects”. 

Persephone: Goodnight everyone!

Hermes: Goodnight everyone! Stay curious!

[Outro music fades out.]