Journey to Atonement: Simon Renaud's Elysian Quest; An Underworld Adaptation of Rumpelstiltskin, the Classic German Tale; Miniepisode 17 of Fireside Folklore with Hades

[Sounds of the river.] 

Hades: Greetings, listeners. Well, here I am, still manning the ferry. Charon has been having an excellent time enjoying those cucumber facials, mud baths, and yoga sessions. He tells me that he’ll be spending more time there enjoying himself, and I can’t say I blame him. Luckily, I think I’m finally getting the hang of this. At least I don’t get lost when navigating the Styx and I have fashioned earplugs so that everyone is safe from the sirens. 

[Hades begins paddling the ferry.] 

Simon: Lord Hades! Fancy seeing you here! 

Hades: Well hello there, Mr. Simon Renaud. 

Simon: You know my name? 

Hades: Mr. Renaud, I am the lord of the Underworld. I know the names and histories of all who pass into my realm. And yes, Mr. Renaud. I know exactly what you did in life. I’m sure I don’t have to remind you that you led quite the unscrupulous existence. You regularly earned your bread by exploiting the fears of others, and didn’t do a single honest thing in your life after your job driving an ice cream truck as a teenager. 

Simon: Oh, erm, I guess I can’t hide anything from you, can I? 

Hades: In this realm, shadows and secrets are one and the same, Mr. Renaud. Here, deceit loses its grip, and your essence is laid bare for your fellow shades to see.

Simon: But Lord Hades, consider this: hasn't my life been a testament to wit and guile? Doesn't Elysium have room for a mind as... creatively inclined as mine?

Hades: Creatively inclined? A curious euphemism for deceit and swindling. Know this, Elysium is reserved for the righteous and the noble, not for those who weave webs of lies and deceit, and certainly not for those who feign an illness and create an accompanying GoFundMe campaign to prey upon humanity’s generosity and compassion. 

Simon: Yet, what is existence—here or beyond—without a dash of challenge, even a game perhaps? Let us strike a bargain. If I can present you with riddles so enigmatic that they escape even your vast wisdom, would you then grant me a place among the esteemed in Elysium?

Hades: Ha! A bargain with the dead, and a game no less? You do indeed possess a daring spirit, Mr. Renaud. Very well. Present your riddles, but be forewarned: should I unravel your enigmas, your eternity shall be spent in the depths of Tartarus, where the weight of your deceitful deeds will press upon you endlessly.

Simon: Agreed! Here's the first: "I speak without a mouth and hear without ears. I have no body, but I come alive with wind. What am I?"

Hades: A question as ancient as the cosmos itself. The answer is an echo. Mr. Renaud, if you seek to outwit a god, your puzzles must ascend beyond the realm of the mundane.

Simon: Understood, Lord Hades. This next one will surely test your mettle: "I am not alive, but I grow; I don't have lungs, but I need air; I don't have a mouth, but water kills me. What am I?"

Hades: A clever attempt, but alas, insufficient. The answer is fire. It appears your riddles are as easily unraveled as the schemes of your mortal life. Do you wish to present another, or shall we proceed to the dismal depths of your eternal dwelling?

Simon: Just one more, Lord Hades. This riddle, I assure you, will perplex even a deity of your stature. 

Hades: Go on then. What is this unsolvable riddle you have for me? 

Simon: Here it is, my final challenge: "What walks on four legs in the morning, two legs at noon, and three legs in the evening?"

Hades: Ah, the riddle of the Sphinx, as ancient as the sands of time. The answer is a human. In infancy, one crawls on all fours; in the vigor of adulthood, one walks on two legs; and in the twilight years, one relies on a cane, the third leg. It’s rather telling that you made yourself the subject of the last riddle. Very telling, indeed.

Simon: Well, since you guessed all my riddles, what happens now? Will I go to Tartarus? 

Hades: Mr. Renaud, you’ve caught me on a good day. I’ll tell you what I’ll do. As you know, I am the lord of the dead. As such, people have come up with many aliases for me. I will think of one of these aliases. If you can guess it, I’ll grant you passage to Elysium. If you haven’t guessed my name by the time we reach the Underworld, well … 

Simon: Oh thank you, Lord Hades! Thank you! You’re such a merciful deity!

Hades: Merciful? Right! Let’s see if you can guess my name, first. Then you can make a judgment about my ability to show mercy. 

Simon: Okay, okay, let me think. Um … Pluto?

Hades: No, that’s what the Romans call me. Try again.

Simon: Oh, um … Dis?

Hades: Also Roman. And utterly superficial, I might add.

Simon: Uh … Orcus?

Hades: You’re just naming Roman names, aren’t you? Do you have any idea how many cultures have feared me over the centuries?

Simon: Well, no, not really …

Hades: How about this. I’ll give you a hint. The name I’m thinking of is Greek, like me.

Simon: Greek, right. Okay, how about … Thanatos?

Hades: Thanatos is the personification of death, not me. But an understandable mistake.

Simon: This is harder than I thought. Um, Erebus?

Hades: No, Erebus is darkness incarnate, a primordial deity, not me. You’re not doing very well, Mr. Renaud.

Simon: I can see that. Is it... Acheron?

Hades: Acheron is one of the rivers here, not a name for me. You’re running out of time, Mr. Renaud. The shores of the Underworld are drawing near.

Simon: Okay, okay, think, Simon, think! Is it... Serapis?

Hades: Now you’re just grasping at straws. Serapis is a fusion deity, not me. It’s almost time, Mr. Renaud. Are you ready to meet your fate?

Simon: Wait! Wait! I must have one more guess. Is it... Polydegmon?

Hades: Polydegmon, meaning 'He who receives many'? Interesting choice, but still incorrect. It seems you are not as clever as you believed, Mr. Renaud. The name I was thinking of was Aidoneus, an ancient epithet of mine, denoting the unseen, the invisible. It appears, Mr. Renaud, your time is up, and your fate is sealed. Or is it?

[River fades out as they walk away; sounds of the Underworld are heard.] 

Simon: What do you mean? 

Hades: I mean that there may yet be a chance for your redemption, but you must first make a choice. Are you willing to make restitution to all those you have wronged then drink from the Lethe, (the river of forgetfulness), to be reborn anew and try to live a virtuous life? Or, would you prefer to simply enter the Asphodel Meadows, where the unremarkable go, to forget your crimes and simply exist? 

Simon: The Asphodel Meadows - a land of forgetfulness where my misdeeds could disappear into the haze. Part of me yearns to let go, to allow my guilt and regrets to simply fade away into peaceful oblivion.

But I cannot hide
any longer. I cannot escape the eyes of those I deceived for selfish gain. I
exploited their empathy and trust for a phantom cause, taking donations from
caring people under false pretenses.

I told myself it was
harmless, just a victimless scheme for money and comfort. But seeing the scale
of damage done, I know now the true cost. Shattered hopes, eroded faith in
humanity - all for my temporary benefit.

Hades offers a
chance to make amends, to take accountability before starting anew. Confronting
the pain head-on won't be easy. Facing those I betrayed will be like walking
through fire - the burning shame and disappointment I caused with each
deceitful click.

But enduring that
fire could forge something new from the ashes. Through restitution, honesty and
growth, perhaps trust can be rebuilt, wounds mended. The chance for redemption
lies not in soothing my own conscience, but in honoring the compassion I exploited.

I'm ready to begin
that arduous journey, not for my sake, but for those I wronged. Let me make
reparations, apologize and restore what was taken. The path won't be smooth or
easy, but it's one I now choose willingly.

Hades, keeper of
this crucible - I accept the challenge before me. I choose accountability over
oblivion, repayment over running away. My journey starts here.

Hades: You are a smart man, Mr. Renaud, for this was a test. Just as I tested Orpheus’s love for Eurydice, I tested your desire to make restitution. Had you chosen to go to Asphodel, I would instead have sent you straight to Tartarus. Now, go to the Upperworld and settle your affairs. Once you have returned every penny you wrongfully took, meet me at the Lethe. 

[Sounds of a city park.] 

Mary: Mr. Renaud? Is that really you? I thought I’d never see you again! I was certain that the cancer had taken you. 

Simon: Mrs. Clancy, about that … you see, ma’am, in life, I was a swindler and I never had cancer. I simply wanted money so that I could take my wife to Paris. 

Mary: Oh! You heartless man! I donated a good portion of my life savings to you. Have you come to gloat, then? 

Simon: No, ma’am. I’m here to apologize and to make restitution for what I stole—not just the money, but also for the pain I caused. I’m here to return every penny I took from you. With interest. 

Mary: Hmpf! Well, I don’t care if it was a fear of the good Lord which made you do the right thing, or your wife caught you stealing. Whatever it was, I thank you for returning my money. Off with you, now! Before I change my mind! 

[Quiet of a home.] 

Isabelle: Simon, is that really you? I thought you died in a car accident. The policeman said you didn’t make it.

Simon: Yes Lizzie. It’s me, your husband Simon. I came because I wanted to apologize for living a lie. You see, all the years that we were married, you thought I was a pediatrician, but Lizzie, I’m a swindler who preyed upon the fears, compassion, and generosity of others. Every trip we took, every gift I gave, indeed—every dollar I spent was ill-gotten gains.

Isabelle: Tell me this is just a nightmare! You were always so gentle and caring! How can this be true? Why are you here now? 

Simon: I came to make amends. I know this will be difficult to believe but though everything else was a lie, Lizzie, I never stopped loving you. 

[Sounds of the Lethe.] 

Hades: And when Mr. Renaud finally met me at the bank of the Lethe, he was a changed man. The tears he shed, the remorse he felt, and the atonement he had embarked upon had indeed begun to mold his soul into something better. More beautiful. The unrelenting nagging by guilt and regret, which tormented him with each person he faced, was not unlike the pain and discomfort an oyster feels when a grain of sand works its way into the creature’s shell, provoking a response, a transformation. Just as the oyster coats the grain of sand with layers of nacre, transforming it into a pearl, Simon's journey of restitution coated his misdeeds with layers of sincere remorse, empathy, and understanding, turning a painful past into a future filled with potential for redemption and growth.

Each person
he faced, each apology he made, was like another layer of nacre, smoothing the
rough edges of his soul, cultivating a luster that comes only from the deep,
internal work of true change. The weight of his past actions, once a source of
unbearable discomfort, had become the core around which a new, more authentic
self was formed. 

Simon: Lord Hades, I have made restitution to everyone I have wronged. 

Hades: Very well, Mr. Renaud. Are you ready to cast the Simon Renaud of old aside and embrace your soul, anew? 

Simon: Yes, your Majesty. I am ready. 

Hades: Then drink and may the pearl your soul has become continue to gleam in your next life. 

[Simon drinks from the Lethe and a baby’s cry can be heard.] 

Hades: Let the waters of the Lethe be the crucible from which your new essence arises, tender and pure. As a seedling breaks through the nurturing soil, reaching towards the warmth of the sun, so too shall your journey forward be nurtured by the lessons of the past. 

May you grow steadfast and strong in the garden of life, your roots entwined with the knowledge of yesteryears, your leaves reaching towards the promise of tomorrow. In this new life, may the silent whispers of the past guide you, ever gently, towards a future bright with the radiance of possibility. 

And so, my friends, ends another journey on the ferry. We hope you have enjoyed this twist on Rumpelstiltskin, a popular tale from Germany. Until next time, may your journey be joyous and your stories filled with laughter. 

[Outro music plays.]